wait.. what?

Single

2010-08-05T02:31:00.005+01:00

Older or younger? I seem to have found myself with my eye on two different girls. One is a bit older than me, and the other quite a bit younger, if anything society says too young (I'm not a peado so fuck off!).
But, what are my chances? The older one sees me as her emotional rock and comes to me for cheering up or advice about her latest asshole of a boyfriend. She lives a bit of a distance away though, well for me anyway, a teenager that can't drive and has no job to fund public transport. The younger one is well, she's younger, and the difference is pretty big for my age group. But should that stop me? Most people I know' parents have quite a substantial gap between them so what's the difference?

Maybe I don't even like either of them... I've been single for 3 years and to be honest I've been feeling pretty fucking lonely for the past 6 months. Maybe I'm just looking at all these single girls and THINKING I like them, but clearly I'm just looking for company. Is this one of these 'I need to get out more and meet new people' things? Because I'll admit that there isn't many of the girls I know that I've not liked for a while at least once.

God, I don't even know how to finish this, I started with a topic and now I have nothing but my lousy shut-in disgusting emo thoughs pushing out...
Long story short, I feel like shit and I think it's because I'm lonely, and as far as I can tell there isn't anyone for me in the near future so feel lonely I will for the foreseeable future.

Recent Freakishness

2010-01-18T23:43:00.002Z

So for about a month now I’ve just been feeling weird, but it’s not because of any of the problems I previously, they seem to have gone at least (Can I hear a WOO!) so now all that’s left is my college and trying to find some motivation… And that’s where my new problem erupts.

I have no motivation, I haven’t a clue what it is but every time I sit down to do anything I just get distracted by nothing and end up staring into space. OK so that’s not too unusual, I do that a lot anyway, but it’s like, it’s happening at stupid times. For example, I missed a college bus this morning ‘cause I was just staring off into nothing. What’s with that, a bus isn’t something you miss just because you were day dreaming a little? Another thing is when I wake up in the morning, maybe I’m having weird dreams (of which I can never remember after like 30 seconds) or something but I feel, hmm… How to describe it… It’s almost like depression, but I’m not sad? If anything I feel kind of happy or something. And this leads to me not really wanting to see any of my friends because I’m all freaky feeling, which ends up with me just sitting doing more or less nothing, which seems to be enough. It’s a shame as I’m starting to miss them all (some more than others) even though I’ve spent quite a fair amount of time with them this month, actually more time that I have over the rest of winter.

Man my heads fucked HAHA! Maybe I’ll quietly explode in a tiny pop of smoke or something. I feel like smiling but I can’t bring myself to do it? Bloody hell I’m confused, even my sentence structures failing and I can’t figure out how to correct it.

Hmmff…I feel like I’m going nuts, what the fuck is wrong with me this month. Nothing out of the ordinary has even happened, everythings been quiet and relatively uneventful if I have to be completely honest. So why do I feel like mashed potato.

Boredom

2009-12-06T15:08:00.002Z

This week seems to have dragged by, I've done nothing of note and sat on my ass all the time. It happens to me every now and again, little bursts of days that just make me think "what the hell am I doing with my time", life just seems to float by for most of it. The amount of missed opportunities are unreal but maybe that's my mindset of not liking to take risks and always taking the easy way out, should I take more risks? How would it change my life, It would certainly mix things up a little but, would I really want things to change. If things changed I might actually have to deal with troubles that otherwise wouldn't be there, I could loose friends, but I could also get a job (PLUS POINT!! XD).
Maybe taking risks could be a good thing after all, I wouldn't be as bored all the time and it might even effect others too and maybe they wouldn't be as bored ether. Suppose this would only work if the opportunity for risks came to me, without the opportunity my life looks as if it will stay all boring and uneventful for just now.

Man I really need something to do......

Inner Thoughts

2009-12-06T14:27:00.008Z

Something that I've noticed recently is a new found ability to sit there thinking or feeling one thing and say something completely different to keep everyone happy or content or whatever you want to call it, for example. I'm sitting laughing away with everyone and I really can't be bothered with anything and just feel like going home or that most of THEM would go home and leave me with a select few of whom I feel I can be open with, but that never happens so I just put up with it and giggle along to keep them all happy. It feels like I'm cheating though, surely I should just tell them and let whatever happens happen, but I think that would be selfish, by not thinking about it and just letting them know how I feel, maybe they would be all weird with me, or fall out with me, or worry about me and I don't want any of that.

I can deal with most stuff by myself so really I have no reason to let people know, and to be honest, some of the things are just stupid things that keep getting in my way that I've dealt with before time and time again so it shouldn't bother me anymore, but well, it keeps coming back so I guess I'll just have to keep dealing with it for now. Maybe I'm not as carefree as I thought I was, I mean sitting saying "meh, I'm not bothered" or "yeah that'll do" Is usually a lie because I don't want to be around people or I know that my opinion will be completely different from everyone else's and I don't want to cause arguments. Actually laid back and carefree probably isn't the best way to describe me, laid back means I wouldn't really care what happened and just go with the flow, but I do care what happens, I just choose not to show it to keep everyone else happy.

Clearly I'm a little bit bleh just now. It happens every now and again, I just need to sort my head out and get back on top of everything like I usually do.

Sex....

2009-12-02T01:24:00.004Z

Is sex really such a big deal? I thought of this topic from a Vlog i follow called Gimmieabreakman Victor (the channel's owner) was talking about under age sex in japan amongst other things, and it made me think, how important is sex? Is it really all that big a deal?...

I myself am not a virgin, but it has been a while since I have had sex and to be honest, it doesn't bother me at all, I can live without it. On the other hand, a college friend of mine who had recently split with his girl friend was going crazy after a few weeks without. This leads me to wonder, is it me that's different from the male population or him. I think it actually might be me, I know quite a few males who have used the term "I'm fuckin desperate for a shag, my nuts are like melons!"

So why does it not bother me then? I don't know, maybe I just lost interest or something, though at my age(18) that doesn't seem health actually, I'm meant to be a pot of raging hormones or something (Least that's what Biology tells me XD) but here I am as laid back as I've ever been.
Actually, there could be a few reasons. My diet could be different and the lack of nutrition is cutting my libido down, but it cant be that, I eat healthier than most of my friends, and I know that the said males have quite a bad diet actually. I could be uncomfortable with my own boy, and so not really wanting it as I'm embarrassed, but I don't think it's that, I'm fine with my body, OK so I have a little bit excess body fat but so, I'm not over weight so it's cool and I am overly hairy, but hey I don't mind, and again said males are the same, they seem quite alright with their bodies. Also, it could be the fact that the times when I have had sex it was few and far between, so maybe not getting sex regularly hasn't made me get used to it and therefore I really have nothing to miss, but, there is a difference here. Said males , when they're in a relationship, would have sex quite a lot at every opportunity. It might be that to be honest, also the fact that I don't see sex as something just for fun(most of the time), it should be something to strengthen a relationship or express how you feel to someone, or something along those lines.

Right, where was I going with this.... Ah! Right, so is sex such a big deal? Yes and No.
Yes, it is in the way that it should be something that is not only physically personal, but emotionally personal too, relationships can fall apart when sex isn't there, and they can crumble if sex is there too much also.
And at the same time. No, in the way that if you're not getting any, then think about why, not how you can get some.

So, that concludes a discussion of some sorts, though it kind of turned into a bit of a personal thing i the middle, but really I was just using myself as an example, also the fact that I don't really know any other males that don't mind not having sex, maybe I am just a weirdo after all HAHA!

To hunt or not to hunt...

2009-11-18T15:31:00.004Z

I have two cats, and they're amazing. I love my cats and that's that :D

Anyway, I was talking to my college friend about my cat catching a sparrow and apparently it's cruel and I should have stopped my cat from catching it. I disagree, sure the bird died and all my cat did was play with it and half chew the feathers, but, nature is survival of the fittest, if that sparrow couldn't avoid my cat then it wasn't going to be as good as the three sparrows sitting around it. By not stopping my cat I cleaned up the sparrow gene pool a little, no? Lets put it another way, if that sparrow went on to have offspring, then there's the chance that they wouldn't be able to avoid cats ether and so degrading the species chance of survival. Another example would be ehh... I don't know, lets say there's two male... Deer, (yeah that'll do) one is fit and healthy, the others weak and smaller than the other. The female is going to choose the stronger deer as the offspring would have a higher survival chance than that of the weakling.

So after all of that what I'm basically saying is, that sparrow was to slow to be aloud to breed, and getting caught and played around with increased it's species chance of taking over the world!!! Bwaaahahaha!

My Cuuuttteee little Kitty... He's called Ninja for a reason :P This is an earlier kill of a wood pigeon

Re-emergence!! (Pre/misconceptions)

2009-11-08T21:59:00.001Z

WOOOAAAHH!! whats this! Garry is actually still posting on this? NEVER! Right, my last post was horrible and depressing and well, I kinda got stuff sorted, and kinda didn't but lets move on from that horrible ravine of unhappiness.

So, suppose I need to have a post topic yeah? OK, I suppose anime will do, I just finished watching some anyway and it's something that I do spend a lot of my time doing so I must be knowledgeable in it somewhat. Anime to me seems to be something that's ether understood or covered by hundreds of horrible stereotypes, I mean there's a kinda love it or hate it thing with my friends, I on the one hand love it and so do a few of my other friends who watch it, though a lot of them think its really bad even though they haven't watched it at all. In their eyes anime is nothing but bouncing boobs, perverted teenagers and all of that sort of thing and yes, I'll admit that that genre exists but its not all there is to it. I watch bleach and naruto and, well... I watch lots lets just leave it at that, And out of all the series I've seen that type were in the definite minority.

And, I was wondering if this applied to other things too, like food especially, People that don't like peas for an example. How many of them just don't like them cause of how they look and have never bothered to eat them, my brother was like that and it really got on my nerves, there's no point not liking something if you haven't confirmed its bad or good. Another example would be people, lets say there's someone you know through a friend, and get a bad first impression of them, it tends to stick to them doesn't it, and that's how you view them from then on even though they might be really nice people and in another situation you could become really good friends.

OK lets get back on track here, so my point is, how did anime get this stereotype, does the more outlandish aspects of that genre just stand out more? Does the media play up on it more? Or do I have it wrong, maybe I only watch a certain genre and ignore the 'pervy' ones, maybe in reality the anime that makes it to the western world is only a small chunk (on this point I'm not actually sure, it could only be a small chunk, it could be all of it I don't know) that would interest the western audience and there is a vast number of overly pervy ones that I will never come across... Who knows. But there is definitely one thing that I do know. Don't knock it till you've tried it! You should always give something a go and then even a second chance just to make sure before you set down in stone if you like it or not.

Suppose it's not great for a restart post, but well it could have been worst :D

- Garry -

Fail

2009-06-23T21:40:00.000+01:00

Yep, your reading the words of a failure, I don't have a job (i want one), I couldn't finish a college course that everyone else could, I made my dad cancel a weekend break because he couldn't trust me alone in the house, I personally hate myself right now. Not only have i fucked up my life by the looks of it because of college, I'm bringing my mum and dad down with me... All i do is sap money out of them and sit about the house pretending I'm still 12 and don't need to do anything. If i lived in japan my parents probably wouldn't talk about me for the embarrassment of me.

So if any news of someone finally finding Bernard's watch arrives i will gladly take care of it for them.

the job I feel I have no chance on, employers suck "Oh it seems he has no past experience *burns C.V.* look this one had a job for a day at coffee house, we'll take him" but as for the college work I still have a chance, if I can finish an all together around 8000 work report by the 17th of august, word perfect then I'm safe *beats wall* how the fuck am I going to do that! the longest thing I've wrote was probably the blog on zombies down there!

and as for my dad, he just never has trusted me since i decided when i was 16 to throw a party when they were away, my friends back then sucked and thb i got rid of most of them and hung on to the ones that could manage a day without calling me "wee sacks" or telling me to get my knob out ¬_¬. I actually thought my life was going well for a bit there, but now i feel like I'll be living on the streets any time soon with a Starbucks cup for company.........

'classic' music

2009-06-18T15:46:00.000+01:00

OK, how is music classic, is it just because its old? or because every ones dad like it? or because it inspires thousands of musicians across the globe to take up music.
So i don't play an instrument or have much of an understanding of the industry or any of that, but i do know what music i like and which stuff bores me to the point of sleeping, and most of that stuff is whats been dubbed classics by people for reasons i don't know, for example, Pink Floyd. my god i haven't heard anything more tiresome in a long time, yet my dad thinks they're classics? why, it's just the stuff he listened to when he was younger, does that mean when I'm older and have children I'll be making them listen to Slipknots Wait And Bleed because it's a classic?
I say what everyone finds a classic is different and so classics don't exist, I think it's just people labeling their favourite bands in the hope it will make others appreciate it the same way they do or something.
anyway it bugs me, let me make my own decisions to whats a classic, from the past or the present musical styles.

Zombie-Apocalypse

2009-06-16T00:33:00.000+01:00

So, I was reading something my friend wrote earlier, and it just got me wondering, how would I survive in a Zombie-Apocalypse*.

Now as we all know, guns run out, so it's always the folk with the bludgeoning things and swords that last longest, and not only that but the people that stay calm and don't lose their minds too, that's why I would recommend grabbing some thing like lets see, I have some old hedging knives in my hut, (its like a 10" heavy, cast iron blade with one razor sharp edge on a 3 foot long wooden handle, yeah they were used before the trimmer was invented) and an mp3 player with something cheery to remind you that it can all get better like "Mr blue sky, by ELO" and go out on your survival trip to your nearest industrial warehouses. There is bound to be a food warehouse somewhere in amongst all the tile shops and bathroom sales modules, if not, then at least it wont be heavily populated and there will probably be a truck to steal.

So assuming you found your food warehouse, and you managed to beat down any undead floating about the area, how do you protect it from unwanted living guests. The answer my friend, you don't, its a warehouse you greedy bastard, there will SURELY be enough to last a few months so share the love, gather survivors and go hunt those undead slime balls so you can take back the country.

Another place to hide out on is on maybe something like a container ship. if you can manage to get one of them out into the middle of the harbour and anchor it, that ship will be like heaven, far enough out so that its too far for them to climb to, and close enough for your little dingy to row back to in no hurry. Container ships are filled with joys of every kind, and if your lucky enough to be on one that the now undead mafia controlled, you might even find some guns, or some refugee friends that have been inside one of the containers when the outbreak happened and are all still completely clean (and not dead from being left in a container for weeks).

Thus now you have a secure base, some friends and hopefully a container stuffed to the brims with freaky imported foreign food that was destined for lidls bargain bins.

So after choosing your warehouse of treats or your floating zombie evasive base you should surely be safe for a while, now its time to plan your rescue by the military. If the warehouse sounded good, then big red letters on the roof stating that your not hungry for brains and would rather have a nice stir fry is your best plan, lets just say, it worked in 28 days later anyway.

If you preferred the boat, then you have less chance, i say have you and your foreign friend work lookout shifts, and a box of flares rigged to blow somewhere outside to alert the incoming copters.

Right, your rescue was a success and now theres only one thing for it, set up a farm, with large tall electric fences (which you should be running off the nuclear power stations that will keep going for a while) and get to it, you have survivors to feed, children to create and a world to run as democratically as possible.

failing all this, be an arsehole and find someone who this worked for, then kill them and take their glory.

*through out this entire post i am asuming the zombies are the clasic "dawn of the dead" fumbling useless meatbags, not the stupid superfast killer ones from one of the other films.*

teenage hormones

2009-06-15T17:45:00.000+01:00

Man these last few weeks I've just been feeling weird, I got a new piercing and well lets just say I cant relieve myself HAHA! but it's almost healed, but well I wonder if that's my problem or if it's this girl I've noticed recently.
I've known her for a while but never really spent any amount of time with her, and I hung out with her a lot this weekend and i started thinking "ooo actually, she's cute" and not only that but I get on with her, and shes quite bubbly. I still don't think I would say anything though, because I tend to be a wimp at that sort of thing which is unusual, as I seem to be confident every where else. maybe I've been single for too long and I have forgotten how to act in these kinda situations.... I think I'm more scared of the no, then not being able to be friends again thing, that's happened before and I hated it but it would have been weird anyway, the girl was too far away for me to have had a proper relationship with.
Actually, come to think of it why do people have long distance relationships, i can understand it if they were going out before they left, but meeting up on the Internet? and like never meeting each other, it seems a little useless to me. I like to know the person, actually spend time with them and see them, give them hugs. also how do you know they're not seeing 20 other people on the Internet at the same time?

gigging it

2009-06-14T16:00:00.000+01:00

this should probably count as yesterdays post but i was dying last night, so here we go

so it was a battle of the bands and there were some decent bands there actually, one of which i know a few of the members of, but what occurred to me is that actually succeeding in a band surely has a lot to do with luck. The special guest bands were good but in my mind not really good enough to be special guests, i mean they weren't very stand out, but they did write their own songs so that's a plus.
My mum and dad know a few local bands that are around their age, and i always wonder why they never went anywhere with it, i mean the bands are pretty good, and it just seems a waste they their at the age now where its never going to happen for them, they've slipped through the net so to speak and its a bit of shame.
The band that won were my friends band, and they should have won anyway, they had the most confidence, their own songs and they are all quite in time with each other as well... but... i was still surprised they did because, they had their prom the night before and ALL had killer hangovers or were still drunk which is funny to see when they're sitting waiting to go on looking like death, then change into bouncing balls of musical energy for 20 Min's before collapsing into a heap back stage.
The venue needed some work though, it used to be a church so the floors kinda stepped where the pues (the big church benches, i don't know how to spell it) used to be so when a pit broke out for one of the bands, everyone just tripped a lot and fell over, i don't even know how they can get rid of that to be honest, they'll probably have to dig the whole floor up, but its a decent size, and can hold a good umber so maybe they'll get it finished and more gigs can be held there.

*I'm trying to write to this every day, but some times you just have one of those days where nothings bothered you, and its not really much to write about, so sorry if this seemed a little empty*

- Garry -

2009-06-14T01:14:00.000+01:00

fucking hell its warm, like its not even that warm but i cant sleep, its too warm to sleep and im tired and pissed off.
why is it this warm at night? the suns on the other side of the planet! it should be cold, thats what nights all about. i suppose i could just lose the covers, but have you ever tried to sleep with no covers? its just a tad weird. you feel like expsed or something.
im like too tired to even write a propper post tonight, i'll write another one int he morning about this gig i was at tonight.

- Garry -

cleaning

2009-06-12T18:00:00.000+01:00

I cleaned my room recently, and like a week later its a bomb site. I don't know how it happens to be honest, I swear someone else is living in here and I've yet to bump into them. actually, i heard that happened in China not long ago, some guy had a woman living in his closet for over a year, and he only noticed cause there was food going missing from his fridge? man if he didn't notice her for over a year i say he deserved it.

Anyway, where was I, oh yeah my room haha! I say there's no point in cleaning it, the room exists in almost a state of equilibrium, it gets to a point where its nether tidy or messy and just floats there, endlessly, forever.... Although cleaning has its ups such as finding lost things, or things you forgot about years ago like a remote control cork screw thingy. There's downs too, such as all the dust that you find and parts of the carpet that haven't been hovered since you moved in, but the major thing that makes me tidy is the loose change everywhere, i got like £30 once £10 of that was in random coppers and coins.

Not tidying has its ups too, you don't move the dust about if you don't clean and hence no sneezing fits when it aggravates my hay fever and like by tidying everything, you move it, then you loose stuff in your tidy room that you KNEW was in the floor and is not placed carefully in its own little space in a drawer

so anyway, my rooms a bit of a mess...

- Garry -

"I love the 'British' accent"

2009-06-11T12:46:00.000+01:00

Right, here's the thing. I'm flipping through some forums on some website and i come across a topic. "OMG, THE BRITISH ACCENT IS ADORABLE!!!"
I don't like hearing about the "British" accent..... IT DOESN'T EXIST!!! (unless your a news presenter, but they get like training ¬_¬)
There is no British accent, its a fucking lie! there is like over 20 accents in Scotland alone, never mind England or wales! ARGH! you can't go anywhere without finding one really thick n00b, (people can be n00bs in real life too... n00bs to the art of growing a brain!) dudes, I'm pissed of at this chick. she was like "but Britain's a country, so it must have an accent."

ah bugger it, she smells like a decomposing dogs sweaty scabby bollocks....

OK, so this is my first post...
really it could have been worse, but this will be what most of these are like.
Rants, little snippets of my life, rants ABOUT my life and oh, we can't forget the odd why the fuck not posts

- Garry -